M-Pulse

It’s happening bro, no use fighting it

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and just general reflection on my life and the people in it.

I’ve come to realize how strange life is (it doesn’t get any less strange it seems).

You realize who you’ve met, how you’ve met them, the people you’ve met by association and so on.

You begin to realize things that someone might have said or an action a person might have taken at that time seemed like nothing more than a selfish ploy but it turned out to be one of the greatest things that could ever possibly occur to you.

In particular there are 2 things that I’m really thankful for.

The first is one particular friend of mine who I’ve gotten closer to recently, not that we weren’t really close before, but just realizing just how important and how much you really do care for and cherish someone brought it up. A relationship that way back then didn’t seem salvageable by any means and even through the very rough patches you’ve both come out of it much better people. I can honestly say that I’ve added another person to that very guarded list of people I consider my best friends. I love this boy more than words can even begin to describe and recently there’s been a definite rekindling or a deeper appreciation for this love and this person in general and I really wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s always been like my little brother but now the affirmation is just stronger than it could’ve ever possibly been.

The second is one of my best friends, who, even through some relatively low slumps, looked past my darkness and saw what was deeper within me (cliche as fuck I know but it’s true). He’s put me into place more times than I can count and he’s helped me keep a level head. More than that, I have him to thank for my continued existence in this world. He showed me that not everything is what I thought it was and that there are other ways to approach life (of course he wasn’t the only one and I’m extremely grateful to everyone else but I give credit where it’s due and he’s really been the driving force in my being alive to this day). He knows that I’m really appreciative of him and exactly how much I love him. More than a friend, or a best friend, he’s my brother and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world even if we don’t always see eye to eye on everything and can butt heads. I love you a lot man, I know you know this but as I tend to say “A bit of reassurance is always nice”.

That all said, even though I tend to get the feeling that I’m lagging behind in life…

I feel like I’m where I need to be and I have the necessary tools and people in my life to support me in my endeavours.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d have this group of people who care about me and who I can care about as well.

I love and appreciate all of you

I can’t afford that shit

that which you sought not to be.

Doing those things you really know you shouldn’t do and wouldn’t have done some years back.

Life is a funny, fragile thing.

I don’t know that I actually cherish it as much as I should.

(if things don’t work out as I plan)

• Male Prositute
• Dead

that my friend linked to me this morning reminded me that the other day while listening to “In My Place” by Coldplay I started crying frantically.

Then some nights after that I ended up speaking about my father and when I got home a whole bunch of “father related” episodes of shows were on Adult Swim.

Life’s weird sometimes. 

Whether it’s realizing that you’re holding a lot more back than you thought 

or 

realizing that you wouldn’t feel a god damned thing if your father died. 

Life just has a way of putting things into some weird sort of perspective that really only becomes apparent when it needs to.

I can appreciate that…

That disgusting feeling you get when you throw up 

then

That relief you get after throwing up 

I didn’t even feel the need to throw up….

what the fuck did I eat 

… the things he meant and what lay beneath it all.

Then Major Minus from Coldplay gained meaning.

“Be careful who you’re talking to”

It’s a lot more literal than you think.

Life’s not fair but in all fairness I’ll say this.

Life’s short and when someone can’t make up their mind you can do one of two things.

Give them a nudge in the right direction (which is usually purely biased) 

or

Leave them alone and let them meditate on their actions.

I’m not justifying certain actions that people take in their “confusion”

generally it’s literally a heightened state of stupidity, call it ignorance if you want to decorate it

but what it really boils down to is your actions.

Forgiveness is hard and I sincerely believe that forgiving and forgetting is nothing but childish nonsense. 

In a situation like this, 

you keep your stride and remember what dictates who you are and even more so 

bare in mind the company you keep and who’s really there for you in the end.

Life’s not easy, it’s full of surprises and unpleasant things but it’s really the small things and what you take away from it all that makes it worth while.

Love takes a wrecking ball